


Public Displays of Affection (The Keep Your Hands to Yourself Remix)

by debirlfan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Remix Revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/pseuds/debirlfan
Summary: John innocently (or not) gets the team into a bit of hot water on a gate mission.





	Public Displays of Affection (The Keep Your Hands to Yourself Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Betting Man](https://archiveofourown.org/works/79973) by [Jain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/pseuds/Jain). 



> For Jain

M8X957, or as it was known to its inhabitants, _New Gyordon_ , was a heavily wooded planet. Unfortunately, the area around the Stargate was an exception to that, and was sadly devoid of cover. As a result, they were currently stuck waiting until dark before they could make their way off planet. A fact McKay insisted on reminding John of. Again. “You just couldn't find a better planet to insult the locals, could you, Sheppard?” the scientist asked, panting, as he leaned forward, hands on knees, trying to catch his breath.

 

“Keep your voice down,” Sheppard ordered. He would have preferred that Rodney shut up entirely, but that wasn't likely, and his team had put enough distance between themselves and their pursuers that even McKay was unlikely to be overheard. “Besides, I didn't insult anyone.”

 

Teyla glanced over from behind a tree, the position she'd taken to watch for anyone who might be following them. She gave him a look. It was a look that said that she might be less vocal about it, but she was just as annoyed as Rodney. “I believe that I did explain during the pre-mission briefing that the New Gyordions' culture strictly forbids any public displays of affection.”

 

“Ha. You forget that the good Colonel is too important for briefings. I think he actually sleeps through most of them.” Having caught his breath only allowed Rodney to put more vitriol into his voice.

 

“I do not. I listen!” As soon as John said it, he realized how defensive that sounded. Actually, he had listened to the briefing with one ear, paying more attention to the solitaire game playing on his laptop, but he wasn't about to admit that. “That was _not_ a public display of affection.”

 

Ronon, who had been ignoring the exchange, snorted. “You grabbed my ass.”

 

“That wasn't a grab,” Sheppard protested. “It was a pat. Football players do it all the time. It's team camaraderie, not a public display of affection.” That was his story, and he was sticking to it. Besides, if he'd meant it as a public display of affection, he would have done a lot worse than grab Ronon's ass.

 

“I don't see you patting Teyla's butt. Or mine. And I don't think they play football on New Gyordon,” McKay grumbled. “Thanks to you getting 'handsy' we're missing out on the Harvest Festival. Did you see those meat pies they were cooking? And the cake things? They looked delicious, and smelled even better. We could be eating those right now.” He pulled a power bar from one of the pockets of his vest and tore the wrapper open. “But no, we're stuck eating these, because somebody had to play grab-ass and now we have to hide until we can slink back to Atlantis.”

 

“I know a place.”

 

“Huh?” Sheppard turned.

 

“I know a place we can hang out and wait for it to get dark,” Ronon elaborated. “I was here before, when I was a Runner. There's a little cabin not too far from the center of town, but still buried in the woods. It's been abandoned for awhile. I heard that the owners got culled on their wedding day, and everyone's a little superstitious about it. Anyhow, it's not in great shape, but it beats staying here swatting flies.” As if to prove his point, he slapped at an insect that had landed on his face.

 

“So what are we waiting for?” McKay asked, before shoving the remains of the energy bar in his mouth and picking up his knapsack.

 

“Because you two make too much noise. You're going to have to be quiet, at least until we get to the cabin.”

 

“Okay, okay, we'll be quiet as church mice,” John promised, ignoring Teyla's snicker and McKay's exaggerated eye roll. “Let's move.”

 

Other than an under-his-breath curse by McKay when the scientist got caught up in some briers, they did manage to make their way silently through the woods. It took perhaps half an hour for the team to circle around to the cabin. A quick check revealed that the cabin was much as Ronon had described it, long abandoned but built of stone and still relatively intact.

 

They let themselves in through a broken rear window. The front of the cabin faced toward town, close enough that they could hear sounds of the festival, and, because the leaves had begun to fall, catch glimpses of movement through the trees.

 

There were still heavy curtains hanging at most of the windows, and Teyla used a rotting blanket to cover the remaining one. Once that was done, she lit a pair of candles. John wasn't sure whether she'd found them or if they were among the supplies she carried. In any event, they were enough to light the cabin with a soft glow.

 

John checked the chairs that surrounded what had probably been the kitchen table for sturdiness before dragging one over near the front window and taking a position where he could keep a watch. “Now what?” he asked, noticing Rodney sniffing at the air.

 

“I can smell those meat pies.”

 

Sheppard could, too, but he wasn't going to encourage McKay. “You're imaging it.” In truth, because they hadn't been involved in the supposed display McKay or Teyla could probably get away with going into town and bringing back food, but he wasn't going to chance splitting up the team. Instead, John tossed over a power bar. “If you're hungry, eat this.”

 

Rodney caught it. “I've got my own,” he said, but didn't offer to return the one John had thrown him. “So now what?”

 

“We make ourselves comfortable and wait.”

 

“Easy for you to say. I have important work I could be doing instead of sitting here doing nothing. I should have brought my laptop.”

 

John knew from past experience that McKay didn't do bored well. Unless distracted, he'd soon drive them all crazy. John reached into his pocket. “I've got a deck of cards. What do you want to play? Anyone have a preference?”

 

“Not poker!” Rodney snapped, his abrupt outburst drawing a raised eyebrow from Teyla and a quiet laugh from Ronon.

 

Mentally, John snickered. Judging from their reactions, Ronon had heard the rumors and Teyla had not. According to the story making its way around Atlantis, Rodney had been roped into a “friendly” game of strip poker by Miko and some of the other scientists. Rodney - who couldn't read a “tell” if it was written across his opponent's face in Sharpie marker – had lost his shirt, along with a few other choice items of clothing.

 

“Okay, poker is out. How about that version of Rummy the Marines have been playing?” _It was currently the hot card game on base_. When there were no objections, he nodded. “That's it, then.” Leaning back, Sheppard shifted in his chair, trying to get comfortable. It was going to be a very long afternoon.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Given that your original story was written for the satedan_grabass community, I couldn't quite resist. Hope you liked it!


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